Run, Forrest, Run

Speed is a funny thing, isn't it? It's all relative, as one genealogist said to another. You can be barrelling along the motorway at a happy 70mph and not feel like it's very fast at all, but come off the slip road without breaking quite sufficiently, and you'll know all about it.

I've been much taxed by speed, or lack of it, with my broadband connection of late. It was crawling along at not quite twice the speed of dial-up at one point; not good. I finally had enough when it crawled to slightly less than twice the speed of dial-up, threw away any pretence at having anything else to do, tackled my ISP customer service and things have been done. As a result currently I rejoice in a speed of 1.8Mb - at least ten times faster than any speed I've enjoyed on this connection ever before. It's absolute surfing heaven. However, as I roamed across the face of the interweb in search of advice and information on the matter, I kept reading irate posts on fora from people bemoaning the lousy 4Mb speed (for example) they were suffering from. See? All relative.

I've noticed the same thing with hand tools. The power tool user will tend to feel someone's telling porkies if they describe such-and-such a hand tool as "fast"? Take forming a rebate. How can it possibly be as fast a router and a suitable bit? Putting aside set-up time, chances are it isn't, especially if you have a lot of them to do. But beating the power tool isn't what makes a hand tool feel fast; in some respects it's the fact it can do it at all. For the amount of input and functional simplicity, the output of a well set-up hand tool is breathtakingly fast. It's all relative.

And sometimes it really is faster than than the powered alternative too. Don't you love it when that happens...? ;)

Square-eyed woodworker

A reader in the Great White North has recently decided to test the following hypothesis: "Combine the correct proportions of nagging, flattery, guilt and out-right asking and you can make Alf write another blog entry". And has apparently proved it. I'm very easily manipulated, dammit.

So, um...

Yes.

Er. We've been having some nice weather, eh? Well down here we have anyway. Trees have been growing and so forth. (That's your woodworking reference there. Mark it, dear reader, it will likely be all alone)

Actually, no it won't. I have actually been making an effort to try and think more like a woodworker and less like not-a-woodworker, and it may be sort of (wood)working. Yes, so wandering round the fora and seeing the same old arguments (Bevel Up vs. Bevel Down; Are LN/Veritas worth the money?; I've found the ultimate sharpening guide/stone/regime) has been a little depressing, it's true. 'Specially when it's the same faces with the same arguments and everyone could save a lot of breath if they had a clue how to do a decent Google search, however, it may have had some bearing on my starting to notice Tools On Television again.

Come on, you know how this one works. You're supposed to be watching Costume Drama X, but can't help noticing Random Carpenter Y in the background who's doing murderous things to a green log with a wooden try plane - backwards. Or some poor chap's just been put up against a fir tree and shot by The Evil Nazi, but you can't help pointing out to your eye-rolling friend that the saw that's about to be used to cut the tree down is all wrong and will clog up with sap within three strokes.

It's not just me, is it...?

Anyway, Exhibit A: Seen in the background of Archchancellor Weatherwax's room in The Colour of Magic on Sky telly the other weekend. (And no, Discworld fans, I haven't watched it all, but what I did see was... underwhelming. The opening extract from Pterry's new work is very promising though. I'm counting the days until publication.)

Pretty standard commercial tool cabinet, methinks? Nice back saw though; cabinet screwdriver; coupla pairs of pincers; assorted chisels.

Then I was watching The Victorian Farm the other night - somewhat behind the times, but somehow I completely overlooked it on first broadcast - and was intrigued by what I can only describe as a rolling wedge employed by a basketmaker in combination with his froe. Now green woodworking has never really been my forte, but I can't honestly recall seeing such a cunning device before. No doubt, if it's well-known, someone will inform me...

Froe was started in the usual way, as you see, then the wedge - rather like a dumbbell in shape - was inserted.

Then as the froe was worked down the split, the effects of gravity just let the "wedge" roll on down, keeping the split open.

A close-up. Clever, no? Well it was news to me anyway, and I thought it was most ingenious.

Anyway, there you have it - A genuine woodworking blog entry. Now I must away and try to recall what I was going to say on the website about the Record 044c, now someone has kindly provided me with photographs of same. You won't believe this, but I actually had to go and check that "044c" was the correct model number. Oh, the shame...

Who's That Masked One-Time Woodworker?

An ear-scraping screech as the neglected door to the blog is forced open. Light floods in and dust rises to dance in the unaccustomed sunshine. A lone, unfamiliar figure peers round the door.

Hello? Anyone there? Tsk, look at the state of this place. Where's the "To do" list? One, oil hinges; two, get JCB to help move the dust.

Yes, I still aten't dead, despite appearances. Life and Other Surprises still leaves me in woodworking limbo. Bad enough, but I also have copious apologies to tender to all the people who've emailed over the past few months with queries and such, all of which I've singularly failed to answer. It's not laziness, honest. Well, not just laziness. My brain seems currently incapable of dealing with the technical sorts of things that folks tend to ask. So ten thousand apologies if you're one of the Ignored. It's really nothing personal and I should have at least responded in some form or another, you're right.

Anyway, what can I tell you? The woodworking thing is still there, lurking in what passes for my mind, but not actually managing to force its way to the forefront. Haven't read so much as a catalogue page in months so couldn't tell you the latest trends in woodworking to save my life. As such, I think you'll have to consider this blog on indefinite hiatus (if you haven't already).

Real Life moseys on, in case you were wondering. Alf Towers now rings to the cries of "No!" as our newest inmate, Lucy the kitten, tears the furniture to shreds, so we're kept on our toes. In fact, I think I'll leave you in her tender paws...

These Foolish Things

A rebate plane that bears a shaving's traces, a firmer chisel from romantic places (Sheffield), these foolish things remind me of when I used to be a woodworker.

However, the fact is I'm just not a woodworker at the moment, and keeping the trappings of same is increasingly pointless. So I shall be gradually dismantling my woodworking life over this summer, including the Cornish Workshop website. It's due up for renewal in July, so here's an early heads-up for the blog reader - if you want to grab any of the information for your own personal use then you have until then. An announcement on the site itself will follow in due course.

If you want further details of the giant tool sale that'll also follow, go here.

ETA: Yes, it was an April Fool's - although so close to the truth as to be seriously considered more than once in recent weeks. On the whole Lee Valley's was much better, but then they have had more practice...