Och, and a bonny, broch, braw Burn's Night to ye all, ye heathen sassenachs. Aye, ye wee timorous beasties, ye ken it well, I dinnae doubt. Hoots, 'tis chust the time to ha' a wee dram to Rabbie Burns, bless his -
Oh, enough already. I maybe able to claim the Reverend Brown from Aberdeen if I look back far enough, but like every other Scot who's able, he came Sooth a bonny wee time ago and I'm not afraid of being (gasp) English. But for anyone out there who actually likes haggis, tatties and neaps, ha' yoursel' a wee dram tonight, an' welcome. And then a wee Alka Seltzer or two in the morning...
As for the Haggis? The small extract below, written by Eric Thompson, from the Magic Roundabout (the proper one) will explain all. Needless to say I was totally convinced that it was true when I was 5, and that the haggis was a type of animal living in the Highlands. The truth is oh-so much worse... Best read aloud with Scottish accent as appropriate.
Suddenly, "whee! whee" they heard.
"Was that you?" whispered Dougal.
"No," whispered Brian.
"Whee! whee!" they heard again.
Dougal went whiter than the snow.
"It's a haggis," he said, faintly.
"And it's coming this way," said Brian.
"Whee! whee! WHEEEE!!!"
A small, round tartan object hurtled over their heads and landed in a flurry of snow a few feet away.
It moved a little, and then was still.
Dougal and Brian moved towards it.
"Not very big," whispered Brian.
"Whee!" it said suddenly, and Dougal and Brian somersaulted backwards into the soft snow.
The haggis looked at them with two piercing black eyes.
"Ye're not much good at it, are ye?" it said. "Ye're supposed to creep up and surround me. I heard ye coming two miles awa'."
"We've never done it before," said Brian. "Sir."
"I can well tell yon, " said the haggis. "Are ye with Hamish's lot?"
Dougal and Brian confessed they were.
"Aye, yon Hamish," said the haggis, wheezing with laughter. "Fifty years after the haggis and he's never caught one yet."
"Have we caught you?" said Brian.
"Ye have not," said the haggis, "but you're welcome to try. You have to creep up and surround me."
"So we understand," said Dougal.
"What happens if we do?" said Brian.
"Then I'm captured," said the haggis.
"And if we don't?" said Dougal, nervously.
"Then ye have to go to Oban for a new haggis-hunting licence," said the haggis. "And Oban's a long way," it wheezed. "Are ye ready?"
They said they were.
"Away we go then," said the haggis, and it shot straight up in the air with a "whee" and disappeared like a bullet in the direction of Norway.
All a very long way round to say - no woodworking words of wisdom to share today. Move along; nothing to see here. (yeah, I know - so what's new...) Oh, but the planter was well received, but the picture came out terribly. But trust me, Brownie Points duly earnt.