Avoiding Foot In Mouth disease

Oh lor, but I'm so bored. I'm having to keep clean and tidy to do the Dutiful Niece impression for my uncle and aunt (newly arrived from Canada for a visit) so I can't go in the workshop. Hell and damnation. And before you ask, no, that isn't the Canadian Connection that explains the whole review thing; we go for years between hearing from my uncle J until he suddenly announces he's descending on us again. I mean it's not like he's not a nice chap, 'cos he is. But he's the absent-minded professor incarnate, and he talks. Seemingly without end. He's one of the previously mentioned Ministers in my ancestry and I bet his sermons were long... The whole thing is rather complicated this time by the fact his previous wife passed away a few years ago, and he's remarried and this is the first time we've met her. She's from the West Indies (Jamacia, no she went of her own.. Oh, never mind) and a vegetarian. Now I have nothing against vegetarians, but, well, we're very definitely meat eaters, so it's difficult. Especially for the Old Man, who would skip the veg given the chance. Apparently he's already endured a description of a soya "sirloin" sprinkled with "beef soup powder" that's turned him visibly pale. Poor fellow. Me, I like vegetables and complain if the veg to meat ration is too much in favour of the latter, but even so, it's tricky. Fish is no good either, which is a bummer, especially given our location. But of course the real worry I have is that I'll say something which is, erm, "unfortunate". Let me be quite clear on this; a rascist I am not. But you know how it is when you're trying not to say something in case it's misconstrued? Your tongue seems to leap to exactly the wrong phrase with alarming alacrity. It's like if you're talking to someone with, say, terrible acne. Suddenly you find you're asking if they spotted the difference. Or someone with a large nose is wondering what to say 'cos you've just asked if they had a good nose around the garden they just visited. It's a linguistic minefield! Oh well, I just hope we all avoid hurting her feelings, that's all.

Still, on the plus side, the parrots now have sparkling clean cages again. Gotta love pressure washers; not a physically demanding job and yet it has a sort of mindless satisfaction associated with the result. Took me all of 1hr 20mins to do the two cages mind you. And all of 10 seconds for PJ to "christen" them. Woodworking connection? Erm, I'd quite like to pinch the apple wood branches that serve as perches. They must be beautifully seasoned by now...