Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Where Roubos Go To Die

I don't want to put a downer on your day, but have you considered what will become of your workbench when you pass on? Is it doomed to end up lost and alone? Will it sit forlorn, being abused and mis-treated, gradually falling into disrepair? Perhaps only to be - and those of a fragile disposition may wish to avert their gaze - "rescued" and, in this case, shot-blasted into interior design hell:

 Yes, they've put a table lamp on it. Yes, it looks ridiculous.

 Big ol' hunk o' wood though, no?

Looks like it maybe had a tool tray at some point. Concentrate on the construction details - it helps not to dwell on the overall effect.

Yours for £1250 apparently.

No? Feeling more British maybe? How about a good old joiner's bench:

 Well, "old" anyway. The adjustable lamp is an improvement in overall ambience.

And you do get a vice with it. Part of a vice.

And what looks suspiciously like part of a ladder as the "shelf". Which is different, and something I urge the bench builders of the world to consider in their next designs. Handy in the event of needing to dovetail the end of long boards held upright in the vice.

A mere £720 - but alas, already reserved.

At this point, I would generally have linked to the source for this sort of thing, but in this case I find myself oddly unwilling to risk pointing anymore victims towards this lunacy. But there we are, it's not actually news to me that there's a market for decrepit benches for the discerning nutter. It's hardly the craziest thing in the world. No doubt you can Google it up in short order, if you've a mind.

However, the one that really got me was this one:

 Heaven help us; it's back to the table lamp.

 The darn thing has both vices, and I bet they work.

Honestly, that's a perfectly workable bench - bet you a fiver.

And storage enough to make Chris Schwarz recoil in horror. Drawers! Evil, evil drawers! Mwhahahahahaaaaa.

Alas, a whole £1400 to rescue it, so that ain't happening. "Would make a very strong piece in a Kitchen/hallway or retail situation" apparently. I'm such a naive fool, thinking it'd make a good workbench.

So yep, take heed, ladies and gentlemen. Either we need a workbench rehoming charity, or we must make our own private arrangements. With an emphasis on no shot-blasting, and absolutely no table lamps...


  1. Maybe one could prevent this by carving some toilet humor in a prominent place, making your bench unsuitable for polite company.

    How about it: "There once was a man from Nantuckett" carved on the front apron should be enough to discourage any future home decorators.


  2. The sad thing is that as a workbench it's worth maybe $600, or that's what I'd pay for it depending. In the "retail" Disgusting I know, market the authentic flavor of this stuff would be nearly impossible or much more expensive to commission as a reproduction. That 1400 pounds is cheap and priced right for that market.

    Makes me sick.

  3. she cant help her self ..........

  4. This is just too awful, Alf. Going to have to share this one on Twitter! Thanks for the laugh.


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