Schwarz Syndrome

Schwarz Syndrome: a virulent and highly infectious disease found particularly within the internet woodworking community. Manifests itself as an insatiable appetite for Southern Yellow Pine and obsessive reading of anything and everything on workbenches. Chronic sufferers may well end up with more workbenches than they actually have room for.

I think I may have caught a slightly less chronic case, but caught it I have. After considerable internal and external debate, I came to the conclusion The Vice That Mr Emmert Built is going to have to have its own bench, and the endless consultation of all words workbench is the inevitable result. And these days, you can't imagine building a bench without consulting the words of The Schwarz, can you? Of course, one of his earliest words is how you really don't need fancy vices, but we'll draw a veil over that... So I've dumped a large wedge of moolah on some SYP (because I'm curious about it anyway, and this is a good excuse) and am currently suffering from a mixture of excitement over actually getting to grips with a woodworking challenge again - and trepidation over exactly how it's going to go.

But where's this bench going to go, Alf? I hear you ask. The Woodrat, alas, will be a loser in all this. For the first time in its life it won't be able to have a dedicated bit of wall to hang on. That does sort of worry me, but then again it's not like it gets used much. It's a bit like a side rebate plane - doesn't get used often, but when it does it's something of a lifesaver. Anyway, I'm thinking some sort of brackety-standy thing that can be clamped either to the bench or the tablesaur half of the Maxi. Which'll be another thing to make. Sigh. I think I need to start a list...

Other things on the list include some serious tidying up of the w'shop, and, I reckon, a bit more cleaning up of aforementioned vice than I had initially anticipated. The dreaded rust has been at work and it took me quite a time just to get the dogs out of the jaws and the tilting plate jobbie actually tilting again. It bodes, my friends. It bodes. Heigh ho.

And finally, the observant will spot that finally, after, um, some years, I've finally given the blog a bit of a facelift. I may yet be tweaking it again - that's Alf Syndrome. The ability to fiddle with something completely different in order to avoid doing something that actually needs to be done. Hopefully it's not infectious...

You say Ovolo...

... Stanley say Quarter Hollow. Let's call the whole thing off. Or rather, let's not, because I like the Ovolo and a recent email on using one in a Stanley #45 caused me to look into the matter a little.

Now, as far as I'm aware, Stanley never offered an Ovolo cutter for the #45 or later brethren, although there were (eventually) six sizes of Quarter Hollow for the #55 - cutter numbers 61-66. Record, on the other hand, from the get-go offered three sizes of Ovolo cutter amongst their additional cutters. Now I have a later model #405 and that had a couple of Ovolos included instead of the less useful Sash cutter - it must have come that way because the oh-so-tacky plastic wallet helpfully labels the content. An excellent move on Record's part, in my opinion, and I bless them for it - the Ovolo inclusion, not the tacky plastic wallet... Because they work really well, as you can see in the last section of this ancient video of mine:

"Great," I hear you #45 owners cry, "I'll look out for a Record Ovolo cutter and try it in my Stanley plane." Ah, might want to hold your horses there. Here's a comparison of the Record #405 using its provided cutter, and the same cutter in a #45: (you'll need to click on it to see the large image)

Bet you thought the Stanley and the Record were near-as-dammit identical too, didn't you? So how about the #55 cutters? All Stanley right? That's going to work. Um...

Did you spot the captioning cock-up, kiddies? I hate it when that happens...

Of course this shouldn't surprise us that much. With its adjustable depth skate and so forth, the #55 cutter is able to be designed with the shallowest part of the cut handled by the main body skate and the deepest by the depth adjustable skate. In contrast, the #405 skate is lined up with the deepest part of the cut and the rest of the cutter has to make its own arrangements. And yes, you'd think that'd be a disaster. The slightly stubbier profile helps, I think.

However, having dashed all you #45 owners' hopes, it seems to me an Ovolo cutter reground in the right places to provide the necessary clearance for the #45 should work. Or one ground from scratch, of course. I have no reason to do it (she says, hugging her #405 to her person and never letting go) and I haven't heard back from my correspondent to see if he's tried it either, but if anyone has - or is inspired to give it a go - I'd be interested to hear how you got on.

Naturally, when talking about details of manufacture of combination planes, my usual caveats apply - I can't guarantee that any of this applies to any examples of these planes and cutters other than the ones I have.

Smokin', gamblin', drinkin'.

All vices, of course, although I only indulge in the last. Arguably old tool acquisition is another, albeit lesser known one, which, yes, I have been guilty of. It's a fair cop, I'll come quietly, officer. What about the acquisition of old vices though? Doubly vice-like, presumably? I have no idea, but I've been pretty good at resisting them. I really have. I'm in the land of Record, for heaven's sakes, and yet this is probably the only workshop in the Western world that doesn't contain a Record vice.

I know what you're thinking; it was always too good to last. In my defence there's very little one can do if you have no choice in the matter and one just happens to arrive on your doorstep like an orphaned babe, all the way from Bonnie Scotland. And even now it's not one of Sheffield's finest. In fact I suppose really it ought to be referred to as a 'vise'.

Now at this point, some of you might be wondering where I got that skinny 12" rule from and isn't that a funny-looking vice? Some of you won't. Some of you may be thinking "Alf, is that what I think it is, you jammy @*$^#...?"

So, just to clear things up: it's a two-foot (patternmaker's) rule, and yeah, it's 86lbs of Emmert patternmaker's vice. A big one. It's actually a Type T5, minus its turtleback cover. Eeek!

I won't explain how it comes to be chez Alf - mainly because I'm still not absolutely sure myself. It's a complicated story and I seem to have been nominated unwitting-beneficiary in a complicated vice triangle. Which sounds like a story in the News of The World... Anyway, it's absolutely not a tabloid story, and is instead all very nice indeed, whilst also being very, very scary.

Anyway, what does Alf do when presented with old arn she knows not of and an urge to put off doing anything practical about it? Hits the books, Old Tools List, Google, and on the off-chance, UK Workshop, of course. First, second and third all came up trumps, as expected. In addition to the Iron Hand site linked to above, also Walt Q at Brass City Records looks potentially helpful and a fair few threads from the galoots, notably this one. The Workbench Book has quite a chunk on them too. But most surprisingly of all, and why I do love the small world that is online woodworking, I didn't find just information on Emmerts generally at UK Workshop, but I believe I've found this very vice in particular. Location and who knows who certainly fits its history, never mind the appearance, so that was a bonus.

All very helpful, not least in terms of prevarication. Because naturally this throws up all sorts of troubling things I don't want to address. Such as "Can I bring myself to cut a big bite in my beloved workbench?", "Should I fix it flush or not?", "How d'you flatten a workbench top if it has a ruddy great big cast iron plate let in the top of it?", "Where in Hades am I going to find screws big enough to fix it?", "Can I get it back together again?, "How does it work, anyway?" and most of all "Help!" and a terrible urge to run away. Yep, it's going to be a saga, I just know it is.

And yeah, that's my other vice; finding the cloud round every silver lining...

Less Musing Than Usual

Yes, all right anonymous comment leaving person, you've made your point. I have been a tad absent from these pages. Again. Did anyone notice? The silly thing is I've actually had things I could blog about, but you know how it is. You vow to blog on Monday, next thing you turn round and it's Thursday and how did that happen?

Anyway, a few weeks ago - okay, last month - I actually bought some RUST! Eeek! I know, you thought I'd gone on the wagon. So did I. But what can you do when a Stanley #71½ waves at you in a pathetic "take me home" kinda way?

Well exactly. 'Course it does push the hand router count into rather dangerous territory. I haven't checked, but I have a nasty feeling it's nearer double figures than can possibly be justified...

Not surprisingly, in the intervening year or two, I've managed to lose my rust removing mojo and as a result the cleaned plane is a) Not as good as I'd hoped, and b) Took me perishing ages to do. But while I was in the groove, I cleaned up the Record 050c I took apart for cleaning some time in 2008, iirc. Amazingly I'd only managed to lose one piece in the intervening period, and that was easily replaced. However, I'm not convinced I'm going to be a convert to the design award-winning rear handle and have already wondered about a wooden replacement. Ooo, Alf has a handle issue; plus ça wotsit as our friends across the Channel might say.

And finally I've had an absolute rash of emails, principally concerning my friends - and possibly yours - the combination plane. As a result there are two new manuals for a couple of the more modern brethren - the Record 050c and the Stanley 13-050. Yes, that Stanley. The one with the joke shop dog doings for a handle... Aesthetically ghastly, but apparently it is really and truly a good plane. I have no plans to find this out for myself though; there is a line. And at some point I really will get the pics of the 044c someone sent me far too long ago up on the 044 page too. No really, I will. Honest. I could probably say before the next blog entry, but that ain't saying much.

Talking of which, I anticipate being a bit busy through April and May, so if you don't hear from me, don't be surprised.

Wadda you mean, you won't be...?