Over the weekend I ran across a passing mention of "stuffing" a Starrett double square, so having only a limited (clean) time in the workshop, I thought I'd have a go at doing something similar with my Axminster knock-off one. I used a scrap of what-might-be-Bocote and about a zillion tools for this "simple" job. Off the top of my head, the kit required included:
6" rule
pencil
marking knife
X-cut backsaw
low angle smoother
shooting board
bevel up jack with high angle blade
out cannel gouge
in cannel gouge
1/4" chisel
1/8" chisel
20 miles of masking tape (only a tiny exaggeration, I'm sure)
And, naturally, it took a lot longer than I thought; even now it's not as good a fit as I'd thought I'd got. Still it makes it look more like a woodworker's tool and less like an engineer's one, and with the brass knob that I swapped out from another square, overall I'm quite pleased with it. Different from the others "off the shelf" any how.
So while I was in tool customisation mode, I thought I'd take another crack at tweaking the Mk2 rear tote on the BUPP*. Again a ridiculous number of tools and minutes were used on such a "simple" task; shave, rasp, two different sizes of drum sander, hand sanding, wiped on shellac. Only when I've used it for a while will I know if it's any better, but I'm hopeful it'll help a little. The trouble is I think it's just too large front to back, and with the two bolts to accommodate there's very little I can do. Heigh ho. The colour's bugging me too; it's miles different from the front knob. Different source for the Bubinga since the knob was made I guess, but I'm sure I can do something about it.
*Bevel Up Panel Plane. Low Angle Jack if you must...
Oh lor, but I'm so bored. I'm having to keep clean and tidy to do the Dutiful Niece impression for my uncle and aunt (newly arrived from Canada for a visit) so I can't go in the workshop. Hell and damnation. And before you ask, no, that isn't the Canadian Connection that explains the whole review thing; we go for years between hearing from my uncle J until he suddenly announces he's descending on us again. I mean it's not like he's not a nice chap, 'cos he is. But he's the absent-minded professor incarnate, and he talks. Seemingly without end. He's one of the previously mentioned Ministers in my ancestry and I bet his sermons were long... The whole thing is rather complicated this time by the fact his previous wife passed away a few years ago, and he's remarried and this is the first time we've met her. She's from the West Indies (Jamacia, no she went of her own.. Oh, never mind) and a vegetarian. Now I have nothing against vegetarians, but, well, we're very definitely meat eaters, so it's difficult. Especially for the Old Man, who would skip the veg given the chance. Apparently he's already endured a description of a soya "sirloin" sprinkled with "beef soup powder" that's turned him visibly pale. Poor fellow. Me, I like vegetables and complain if the veg to meat ration is too much in favour of the latter, but even so, it's tricky. Fish is no good either, which is a bummer, especially given our location. But of course the real worry I have is that I'll say something which is, erm, "unfortunate". Let me be quite clear on this; a rascist I am not. But you know how it is when you're trying not to say something in case it's misconstrued? Your tongue seems to leap to exactly the wrong phrase with alarming alacrity. It's like if you're talking to someone with, say, terrible acne. Suddenly you find you're asking if they spotted the difference. Or someone with a large nose is wondering what to say 'cos you've just asked if they had a good nose around the garden they just visited. It's a linguistic minefield! Oh well, I just hope we all avoid hurting her feelings, that's all.
Still, on the plus side, the parrots now have sparkling clean cages again. Gotta love pressure washers; not a physically demanding job and yet it has a sort of mindless satisfaction associated with the result. Took me all of 1hr 20mins to do the two cages mind you. And all of 10 seconds for PJ to "christen" them. Woodworking connection? Erm, I'd quite like to pinch the apple wood branches that serve as perches. They must be beautifully seasoned by now...
Wandering through past posts on UK Workshop this afternoon* I stumbled across one of Morrisminordriver Mike's literary endeavours. The poet laureate of the forum really. Just so I wouldn't lose it again, I thought I'd reproduce it here. Hope he won't mind... Bohemian Rhapsody is the song, and you really need to sing it to get the full effect.
Is this just woodwork
Or is it car – pen - try
Cab-in-et ma-king
Furn - iture artistry
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and seeeeee
Im just a poor boy, new tools are luxury
And so its second hand not second rate
Cheapo tools are my fate
Jumble sales and boot fairs, doesnt really matter to me
To me
(wafty piano piece as a link to second verse…)
Charley, just cut some wood
On the bench I put a length
Pulled my saw with all my strength
Charley, the teeth were bent
And now Ive gotta sand the marks away
Charley, oooh ooh o0hh ooh
Any chance that I could buy
A Lie Neilsen when I go out tomorrow
Credit card, credit card – my bank account’s in tatters
(another wafty piano piece which links to verse 3…)
Too late, my moneys gone
An eBay purchase made
The price has now been paid
Goodbye everybody – Ive got to go
Gotta go down to the shed and face the rust
Charley – oooh ooh oh oooh
The wire wool is required
To clean the pitted metal and restore
Carry on, carry on – I think this really matters
(spirited up tempo ensemble piece which links to staccato verse…)
I see a mitre box sitting by the plane
Aragorn, Aragorn don’t you play with that dado
Mortise – tenon tightening, dovetails are exciting me!
‘Galoot’eo, ‘Galoot’eo
‘Galoot’eo’, ‘Galoot’eo
‘Galoot’eo – Alf ie oh ……- Oh Alf ie Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
(staccato feel maintained to next piece...)
I prefer handtools, more than machinery
He’d like a No 8 more than a planer
Spare him the tools full of ‘lectricity
Easy come, easy go – will you let me go
Axminster ! No – we will not let him go (let him go)
Axminster ! – He should come to the Show (to the show)
Axminster - ! – the catalogue is so…
the catalogue is so…
the catalogue is so…
Quite brillio – o- o - oh
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Norm A – ba – ram has a Delta put aside for me, for me , for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(Cue Philly – and any other UKWrs who play guitar - on air guitar – this is the really big bit – every can join in and go ……… “der der der der deh – der der der derdy - der deh - der der der derdy etc etc”)
So you think you can fettle better than I……
You’d better read Charlesworth’ if you’re gonna try – ee - i!
Oh baby – oil your stone up now baby
If yours is gonna be – yes yours is gonna be sharper than mine
(Loud ensemble free for all, slows and moves to piano and voice …)
Shiny tools don’t matter…
Any one can see…
Rusty ones can clean up, with some elbow grease and em – er - yyyyyyyyyyy
(slow delicate piano phrase ending with quiet ensemble voices..)
Any way the vac blows……………
(Cue riotous applause and continual requests for encores…)
Cue riotus applause indeed. A masterpiece. Amazing what a chap can come up with when he's got a night time feed to administer to his potential Galoot In Training. :~)
*Hey, it's a Friday. What d'you expect but timewasting?
'stordinary, the behaviour of some folks. Someone seems to have actually gone through my website gallery and taken the trouble to give zero rating votes (aka "rubbish") on virtually everything. Actually it may be on everything, but unlike this mystery critic I gave up bothering to go through them all to find out. Why?! I mean they're entitled to think it's all a load of tosh, in fact I applaud their taste to some extent, but why take all that time and effort to bother to do so? Sheesh, after the first 4 or 5 they must have realised the general trend of the content! After 20 or so you'd have thought they'd have gone out to find a life sooner than continue. One can only conclude whoever "they" may be just likes maliciously saying everything's "rubbish"; whether as a general world view or a comment on my own little corner of the web, who can say? If it's personal, I'm actually rather pleased; fancy someone taking all that trouble over me :~) Anyway, if you're out there Mr (or Ms) Rubbish, feel free to use the comments box on the Blog here to explain yourself. Otherwise I have no choice but to assume you're an obsessive stalker and shall have to consider myself a celeb...
Personally I'm surprised anyone ever bothers to register a vote at all. Which is a strangely apposite thought, given the election today. Oh how I wish they'd put in a "none of the above" box for me to tick, or cross, or whatever. I was almost tempted to go to the Polling Station, get myself crossed off the list and then leave, on the basis that at least I couldn't be charged with apathy. After all, I had bothered to turn up. Then I wondered about drawing in my own "none of the etc" box and putting a cross, but spoiling ballot papers seems, well, wrong. People die for the right to vote, for heaven's sakes. So I did something that felt much worse; I voted tactically. Sigh. Oh well, with luck we might get a full five year break before the next one.
But back to the gallery for a moment (bit of a Vision On moment there). I've been tidying it up and so forth, and in an idle moment, looked at the "Most Viewed". What get's the prize? Is it groups of luscious hand tools? My lonely coffee table in the project section? (Yes, I have made more than that, thank you very much; I just haven't got the pics up yet). The handmade planes? Well they come close, but no. It's the Workshop. What is it with woodworkers and their love of looking round other peoples' workshops? I'm the same myself. So just as well I've finally got the all new workshop tour up, on proper pages to boot. Next job is doing the same for the coffee table. Urgh. Html code hell.
Never mind eh? The sun is shining. Summer is a'comin' and the humidity in the w'shop is down to, er, what?! 36%. Oh heck. I think that's a trifle too dry. You just can't win.
